I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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