if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize