I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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