i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
