I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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