I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
