we're blogging at a bar
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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