The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
