Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
