I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think i have two assholes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
