I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
