well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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