I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
