I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
