my room smells like sperm. sweet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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