it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
