Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
