god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
