i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
