i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
