every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
