and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
