I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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