hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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