I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
