There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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