having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize