so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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