First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
