I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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