I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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