Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They are going to name an STD after you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
