it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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