there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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