Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
