i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
