I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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