Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've blown a few things in my day
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
