we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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