Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
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From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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