I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
