My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
