I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
