Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
