All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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