I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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