I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
