I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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