I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
