There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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