Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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