I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
