Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
