You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i love accidental penises.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
