nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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