So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I showed him my bush... on skype.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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