I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
