We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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