that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
