Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
