last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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