So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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