so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize