If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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